Remember last Sunday? When the world was a different place? When people actually cared about soccer? When the World Cup final happened and some European or South American country beat some other European or South American country to win glory and fame, at least until the next World Cup in 2014? No? You don’t remember? Well, let me remind you:
See? Now you remember. Last Sunday you were probably watching soccer, where grown men–in this case Spanish and Dutch men–kick around a ball to the glorious chorus of the vuvuzela.
Just in case you’ve forgotten what the vuvuzela sounds like:
Now, I didn’t so much mind the vuvuzela after awhile. I was sort of fascinated by the worldwide, well, fascination/irritation with this weird, long, multi-colored plastic shofar like object that, when heard en masse on television, sounded like a giant swarm of killer bees. I don’t really miss soccer, friends, but I do miss the vuvuzela.
So, you’re wonderful, what does this have to do with Dragon*Con? Well, let me tell you. When confronted with the unfamiliar nerds, like most people, like to translate said foreign object into something comforting. For instance, putting it into the language of The Lord of the Rings.
See? Isn’t that funny? The vuvuzela is now the Horn of Gondor? Get it?
Even better is The Fellowship of the Vuvuzela.
Guys, wasn’t that amazing? My favorite is the weird bouncy techno interpretations of the Shire theme. How do I make that my ringtone?
So the moral of the story is this: World Cup 2010 was not about soccer, it was about the vuvuzela.
One vuvuzela to rule them all, One vuvuzela to find them, One vuvuzela to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
Okay y’all, this is one of my favorites. I first saw this at last year’s D*Con while waiting for the Shatner/Nimoy panel to start. In order to entertain the rabid, hot, hungry fanbase before large panels, the D*Con crew projects fun little videos and tidbits and dorky Q&As on big screens. One of the tidbits was this masterful creation by the group Fall on Your Sword:
Okay so evidently in the fifth Star Trek movie, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (admission: I haven’t really seen much of the original series or many of the movies featuring actors from the original series, no not even KAAAAAHN and not the one with the whales either, sorry. Star Trek: First Contact was on AMC today and I totally watched it and that is the best movie especially when Data is all RESISTANCE IS FUTILE and he smashes the warp core or whatever and kills the Borg Queen that is so awesome) the entire crew is on leave and Captain Kirk is hiking and and camping and said hiking and camping involves climbing a mountain. So why is Captain Kirk climbing a mountain? Because he’s in love, duh.
I mean, clearly, this is a moment of true Shatner philosophical greatness. Like, if one applied this theory to life, one could succeed at all things. One could climb that mountain. That mountain.
But in reality, all of you will now have this song stuck in your heads for the next week or so. May it inspire you to hug the mountain, to envelop that mountain, because you know–you know–you want to make love to that mountain.
Because the climb…is going…where no man has gone before.
Improv Everywhere is fantastic. They staged the opening confrontation between Darth Vader and Princess Leia on the 6 train in Manhattan. They had it perfectly timed so that the various pieces (the Stormtroopers, Darth Vader) got on the train at the appointed stops. How they knew what car they were supposed to get into is beyond me. Still, this is wonderful. Happy Friday!
Hi y’all. Did you know that yesterday was evidently embrace your geekness day? How fitting, considering it was the start of my countdown. However, I view every day as full of new potential for embracing my nerdiness and geekiness. Who needs a holiday?!
So in recognition of this holiday someone over at Buzzfeed put together a really fabulous list of modified My Little Pony(s). If you don’t know what a My Little Pony is, I’m sorry, and google it.
Okay so those are just three of the awesome ones but there are fifty more on an awesome list and you can see them all right here. Some of them are hella creative, peoples. Today is a good day to dye…My Little Ponys.
Well folks, that time of the week has arrived. Time to rail at the fascinating stupidity that is Bravo’s Work of Art: The Next Great Artist (called WoA or WANGA by differing folks). Last week juvenile cartoonist Jamie Lynn got eliminated. Who shall it be this week? Hang with me, and you will see.
10:00: And we’re off! last week Jamie Lynn lost (see above) Jaqueline/Jacklyn/Boobs whatever won with her panopticon whatever GET TO THE BAD ART.
10:01: I am so bored of Erik and his sad sob story and his lack of training. But he and Mark are the everyman, so they are buddies. They are boring. And, again, WHAT IS PERREGRIN/PERRIN/PIPPIN WEARING?!?! I don’t understand.
10:02: Yvonne Force Villareal public art talk talk hipster glasses talk talk PRADA MARFA talk talk.
10:03: PUBLIC ART! Working in teams! Two days! ARTISTS DON’T WORK WELL WITH PEOPLE. I see Miles exploding, potentially. No one likes anyone else’s art except for Nicole and Miles, they like each other, so hopefully blood will be shed.
10:04: Miles would want a tree fort. Peregrin would love it. Jacqueline and Erik would hate it. Clearly Miles is the only person who knows what he is talking about here. And, of course, Nicole takes over her team. Nicole and Miles are winners.
10:06: FLASHBACK TO THE PAST. Somehow I feel that the paint tubes were rigged, but we’ll see. Also, are they required to say “Utrecht” at least once an episode?
10:07: Nicole’s sketches look a bit derivative of Robert Smithson. Just saying.
10:08: Erik is sad because no one likes his stupid vines.
10:09: SO MEAN RYAN! “As long as it doesn’t fall apart when Jerry Saltz jumps on it.” Cannot WAIT to see how Jerry Saltz reacts to that tomorrow.
10:10: Oh God someone’s gonna lose a finger. I mean, I hope not. Also, Ryan just growled at the camera. I maybe like him a little bit more this week, but that isn’t saying much considering my general loathing of his hipster poseur ass.
10:15: Why does Miles walk around with the sheet around his body? Does he sleep sans the clothes? Can he not put on boxers before emerging from the bed? I have no idea.
10:17: And why does Nicole have eye black on? Is she attempting to be Tim Tebow?
10:17b: So I guess all finger-lossage will be told via story, thanks Ryan, for covering that.
10:18: Miles can do EVERYTHING he is a wunderkind. And Erik, snake scales is the WORST. IDEA. EVER. It sounds so dreadful. Truly. However, I appreciate your trying to play the game.
10:20: Simon! And his comb-over!
10:21: Erik, once again, bitching about the “art school crap.” Blue collar hatred for the educated. Buuuuuurrrrrn. Whoa, and now Erik is totally attacking Miles, and calling him an actor. His inferiority complex is utterly astounding.
10:24: Erik just called Miles a “stuck-up art pussy.” What a douchebag.
10:27: And of course commercial artist Mark is all: “woo yay Erik.” Y’all should go on a design show, for rizzles.
10:28: Adventures in art handling! And chain smoking!
10:30: Abdi’s role in this show is “wide eyed innocent.” Yawnface.
10:31: “Miles is a total douche but it is exactly what i expected from trained artists who have their heads up their ass.” Exactly what I expected from culture-lacking unemployed losers. Erik is such a failure.
10:32: Although I’m not sure how i feel about Red Team’s piece, I think their coherent teamwork and love will give them a boost. Aaaand Ryan just curtsied to Simon.
10:33: Ryan describes Blue Team’s piece as “A weird tree house constructed by a meth addict.”
10:37: Why does everyone dislike Miles so much? Oh yeah, you’re THREATENED.
10:40: FINISHED PIECES. ENTER JUDGES. Oooh I like China’s earrings, for once.
10:41: So who do they pay to come mill about these things anyways? Blue team’s piece is called “Scale” and Jerry and Jeane and the other judges climbing into it is adorable.
10:42: Red Team’s piece is “The Noumenon” and it is so derivative of early Robert Smithson. Aaand China’s on top.
10:43: I love, during the team-speak, that Miles is hanging out in these Bob Dylanesque glasses and looking totally blaaaaaargh. I love you, Jerry Saltz, thank you for continuing to push and question Erik. “Why?” “Why not?” Yes, thank you Jerry.
10:44: While the Red Team had better team work, they have the sort of more…boring-y piece. I don’t know, I’m not feeling it. Maybe I’d like it better in person.
10:45: Crit in the gallery it is on. Erik looks like he is about to cry. Whoa, and Erik is questioning Jackie’s judgment. Erik is a destructive, horrible person. Miles is dead on–Erik’s problem is total insecurity. Jerry Saltz’s face is priceless. So is Jeanne’s mullet.
10:47: Placement of the piece…Oh man, Jerry Saltz totally just destroyed their feelings by the fact that the sky their piece faced was the whole left by the Twin Towers. Oh my God. Everyone’s face just collapsed. That was horrifying.
10:48: Green room argument. Everyone just abandoned Erik. Brilliant. Red Team critique!
10:49: Yvonne is wearing big satin shiny pink parachute pants and a shiny purple jacket. And Jeanne calls out my issue with the piece–how derivative it is.
10:51: Judge talk. Maybe the Red Team will win? Maybe its better in person? And yeah, they totally had better team work. But it is the kind of art that gives art a bad name.
10:52: Blue team judge talk. Site specificity, Jerry Saltz, climb me, blah blah, funk funk. Patchwork quilt blah blah smelled like cedar blah blah. Jerry Saltz of course you wouldn’t smell a thing you have Jewish old-person sinuses. And Yvonne presents the kumbayah let’s all make art together point of view.
10:55: Decision! Red Team wins! Because they didn’t fight! Blue team looks like they are going to cry. Nicole wins, but gets no immunity. But she does get to dance on the couch. Love her.
10:57: Blue team, you failed a lot. Although, China, I think the piece worked fine. Harsh. Although the teamwork failure is a valid statement. Holy shit, Miles don’t cry. BECAUSE YOU ARE SAFE. THEY FINALLY GOT RID OF ERIK. YAAAAAY. Erik is a massive failure. And a massive douche, as evidenced by his treatment of his three teammates.
Aaaaaand that is all for tonight. Next week, SoHo and pipe cleaners it looks like. Thank the heavens, Erik is gone.