I think I need to step away from my awesome nerd fantasy rant for a bit to talk some about the summer, namely last week’s 4th of July festivities. Did y’all stand around a really hot grill in really hot weather and cook some really delicious meat? We did! And do you know what is the easiest way to cook lots of meat and feed lots of people on the 4th of July? Have a hot dog bar, bitches!
So that’s the table where the hot dog bar happened. What we did was cook a bunch of Hebrew Nationals (because why bother with anything else, although some friends brought some nice sausages from Whole Paycheck Foods), and provided buns and fixings: mustard, ketchup, relish, raw diced onions, caramelized onions, grated cheese, chili, salsa, etc. And then we/the guests also provided sides, in the forms of potato salad and cole slaw and corn on the cob and pickles and chips and dip etc. Also, beer and watermelon, because why not.
So today, since I am not working (oh did I forget to mention that I have secured part-time employment? Maybe I’ll tell you about it later. Still on the look out for full-time museum jobs, though, so, you know, throw me a bone) I was able to settle down and read a few chapters of A Dance with Dragons. I’ve wandered through the Prologue and the first chapter (A Tyrion chapter, if you must know) and George R.R. Martin is mostly catching us up and all that jazz.
So, on a side note, this is interesting: Over at NYMagazine so-called Song of Ice and Fire “superfan” Adam Pasick is doing this book club type recap of the book (this is the first entry), 100 pages per week, in some attempt to keep his readership up after NYMag‘s gross recaps of HBO’s Game of Thrones. You see, NYMag thought it would be great to have a “superfan” (Pasick) vs. “newbie” (Margaret Lyons, sigh) recap each of the Game of Thrones episodes and it really just killed me. The recaps were lame and both they and the comments caused me to go into one of those SOMEONE IS WRONG ON THE INTERNET frenzies that are really embarrassing in hindsight. This was one of those trainwrecks that I should have looked away from but I just couldn’t, you know.
I mean, maybe I am just being a total hipster douchebag about this, but epic fantasy is a genre and a thing y’all, and people just don’t get that it isn’t a fairytale and that sometimes your protagonists get raped or die or get their heads chopped off or maybe they AREN’T REALLY GOOD GUYS AT ALL and that is a good thing and also sometimes the Dothraki DON’T cross the Narrow Sea to rape and pillage Westeros and y’all commenter types are dumb guys really. ALSO, and this goes back to the hipster douchebag thing, I WAS HERE FIRST PEOPLE (well, me and all my friends ranging around Dragon*Con in their chainmail/Hobbit feet/elf ears/wearing longswords but not ironically).
I now understand how comic book fans feel, when some mundane (LOOK IT UP) is all “OMFG I LOVE COMIC BOOKS” when all said person has done is see the Iron Man movies and maybe they read some of Watchmen in preparation for the film–and they probably thought that the film was “pretty good,” also. Anyways, I know how those comic book fans feel, because now people are all marching around going “OMFG I LOVE EPIC FANTASY” when all they’ve done is maybe watch Lord of the Rings in the movie theaters and maybe caught it on one of its many TNT marathons once or twice and maybe they’ve picked up A Game of Thrones to read after seeing some boobies on HBO. GUYS. EPIC FANTASY IS A COMMITMENT. I spent four or five months reading the first four Song of Ice and Fire books, and then I spent a whole THIRTEEN MONTHS OF MY LIFE reading the Wheel of Time books out of some sense of nerd obligation and necessity, like I was faking my nerdiness if I didn’t suffer through books 7-11 or whatever (seriously they’ve picked up since Sanderson took over, but, you know, R.I.P. Robert Jordan. ::smoothes skirts, tugs braid::), and now I am reading the Malazan Book of the Fallen series and I have been reading them since November of 2010 and it is awesome (really, do it) and guys, these books, you do not pick them up idly. They take over your life and your free time. The only reason I have not been forced from my home by a surplus of 1,000 page plus books is because I got a Kindle and now all my books rest happily in digital print but seriously. People who claim themselves as fans of epic fantasy after having seen some Medieval boobies and some jousting and read one book and maybe went to the Renaissance Faire to laugh at people in costumes have no idea what they are getting into. This is a commitment and a lifestyle.
I don’t know, I suppose I should be glad that people are reading these books. Reading is good, as is epic fantasy. I should probably stop ranting on the internet and go read more of the book. And maybe, like, get a life and such. Maybe I’m just a hipster douchebag, but I sort of feel like people have found my secret club and are now invading it. Ungh.