Month: July 2011

The Humiliation of the Eye Exam

I have been wearing some form of vision corrective since I was two, when my mother noticed that I was cross-eyed and whisked me off to the doctor for an eye patch and some glasses.  My pirate phase was thankfully short-lived and the lazy eye was corrected, but I wore glasses until the sixth grade and have been wearing contacts ever since.

Maybe all my posts should have pirate pictures in them.

Now I have never really had an issue with the whole glasses and contacts thing.*  Although a few mean girls made fun of me in kindergarten and wouldn’t let me play with them on the playground due to my four-eyes, it wasn’t ever really a thing for much of my school days.  When I was little I always had crazy and colorful plastic pairs of glasses.  I usually broke a pair a year, due to my tendency to play rough on the playground, and I would have a few weeks of wandering around with taped up eyeglasses before I finally got a new pair.  Same thing with contacts–I got used to them quickly and have no issue poking my fingers into my eyes.

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50 Days to Dragon*Con Part II

Hahaha just kidding guys, I’m not really going to do another 50 Days to Dragon*Con Countdown (even though I sort of want to) mostly because I am still not 100% sure I am going Dragon*Con (even though I really want to, sniff).  Still, if you want to go ahead and re-read all my other 50 Days to Dragon*Con posts, please be my guest.  You can reminisce about all the things you were anticipating this time last year that have now actually come to pass!  Like the Game of Thrones HBO series (AND NEW BOOK!), and Tron: Legacy, and the last Harry Potter movie and also the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean movie–wait, no one cared about that, and I certainly didn’t see it.  Anyways, indeed, today it is officially 50 Days to Dragon*Con.  Time flies, y’all.

We lost our self-respect while making this movie and are currently in the jungle trying to track it down.

You know what else today is?  Today is Patrick Stewart’s birthday.  Patrick Stewart is awesome, I talked to him some my first Dragon*Con, he (and Jean-Luc Picard duh), was the subject of a number of 50 Days to Dragon*Con posts.  He’s the best.  Let us celebrate this day in Patrick Stewart’s life by watching him talk about naked ladies.

Oh and you know, there’s another special birthday today!  It is Harrison Ford’s birthday guys!  He sure is sexy, all running around as Han Solo and Indiana Jones and such.  How about we  celebrate by watching a clever/obvious/clever-obvious montage of Indiana Jones whip scenes set to Devo’s “Whip It”?

Happy Birthday, you fine specimens of men, you.

4th of July Recap, Belated, with Cannons

I think I need to step away from my awesome nerd fantasy rant for a bit to talk some about the summer, namely last week’s 4th of July festivities.  Did y’all stand around a really hot grill in really hot weather and cook some really delicious meat?  We did!  And do you know what is the easiest way to cook lots of meat and feed lots of people on the 4th of July?  Have a hot dog bar, bitches!

So that’s the table where the hot dog bar happened.  What we did was cook a bunch of Hebrew Nationals (because why bother with anything else, although some friends brought some nice sausages from Whole Paycheck Foods),  and provided buns and fixings: mustard, ketchup, relish, raw diced onions, caramelized onions, grated cheese, chili, salsa, etc.  And then we/the guests also provided sides, in the forms of potato salad and cole slaw and corn on the cob and pickles and chips and dip etc.  Also, beer and watermelon, because why not.

Oh and you know what else happened?  Pie.

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A Dance with Dragons Update (In Which I Turn into a Hipster Douchebag)

So today, since I am not working (oh did I forget to mention that I have secured part-time employment?  Maybe I’ll tell you about it later.  Still on the look out for full-time museum jobs, though, so, you know, throw me a bone) I was able to settle down and read a few chapters of A Dance with Dragons.  I’ve wandered through the Prologue and the first chapter (A Tyrion chapter, if you must know) and George R.R. Martin is mostly catching us up and all that jazz.

Dancing dragons. Get it?

So, on a side note, this is interesting: Over at NYMagazine so-called Song of Ice and Fire “superfan” Adam Pasick is doing this book club type recap of the book (this is the first entry), 100 pages per week, in some attempt to keep his readership up after NYMag‘s gross recaps of HBO’s Game of Thrones.  You see, NYMag thought it would be great to have a “superfan” (Pasick) vs. “newbie” (Margaret Lyons, sigh) recap each of the Game of Thrones episodes and it really just killed me.  The recaps were lame and both they and the comments caused me to go into one of those SOMEONE IS WRONG ON THE INTERNET frenzies that are really embarrassing in hindsight.  This was one of those trainwrecks that I should have looked away from but I just couldn’t, you know.

I mean, maybe I am just being a total hipster douchebag about this, but epic fantasy is a genre and a thing y’all, and people just don’t get that it isn’t a fairytale and that sometimes your protagonists get raped or die or get their heads chopped off or maybe they AREN’T REALLY GOOD GUYS AT ALL  and that is a good thing and also sometimes the Dothraki DON’T cross the Narrow Sea to rape and pillage Westeros and y’all commenter types are dumb guys really.  ALSO, and this goes back to the hipster douchebag thing, I WAS HERE FIRST PEOPLE (well, me and all my friends ranging around Dragon*Con in their chainmail/Hobbit feet/elf ears/wearing longswords but not ironically).

We art thou herest firstest! Rarrr! Dragons!

I now understand how comic book fans feel, when some mundane (LOOK IT UP)  is all “OMFG I LOVE COMIC BOOKS” when all said person has done is see the Iron Man movies and maybe they read some of Watchmen in preparation for the film–and they probably thought that the film was “pretty good,” also.  Anyways, I know how those comic book fans feel, because now people are all marching around going “OMFG I LOVE EPIC FANTASY” when all they’ve done is maybe watch Lord of the Rings in the movie theaters and maybe caught it on one of its many TNT marathons once or twice and maybe they’ve picked up A Game of Thrones to read after seeing some boobies on HBO.  GUYS.  EPIC FANTASY IS A COMMITMENT.  I spent four or five months reading the first four Song of Ice and Fire books, and then I spent a whole THIRTEEN MONTHS OF MY LIFE reading the Wheel of Time books out of some sense of nerd obligation and necessity, like I was faking my nerdiness if I didn’t suffer through books 7-11 or whatever (seriously they’ve picked up since Sanderson took over, but, you know, R.I.P. Robert Jordan. ::smoothes skirts, tugs braid::), and now I am reading the Malazan Book of the Fallen series and I have been reading them since November of 2010 and it is awesome (really, do it) and guys, these books, you do not pick them up idly.  They take over your life and your free time.  The only reason I have not been forced from my home by a surplus of 1,000 page plus books is because I got a Kindle and now all my books rest happily in digital print but seriously.  People who claim themselves as fans of epic fantasy after having seen some Medieval boobies and some jousting and read one book and maybe went to the Renaissance Faire to laugh at people in costumes have no idea what they are getting into.  This is a commitment and a lifestyle.

I don’t know, I suppose I should be glad that people are reading these books.  Reading is good, as is epic fantasy.  I should probably stop ranting on the internet and go read more of the book.  And maybe, like, get a life and such.  Maybe I’m just a hipster douchebag, but I sort of feel like people have found my secret club and are now invading it.  Ungh.

I should probably put on a purple hoody and some ugly glasses before I go back to my book.

The Best Pop Culture Week Ever!

FRIENDS!  I cannot believe I haven’t expressed my glee about this before, but this week is chock full of pop culture awesomeness!

First off, the new Song of Ice and Fire is finally happening.  Tomorrow!  At 12:01am to be exact!  Now I haven’t been waiting for six years or whatever like some sad, sad people, but I have been waiting two years.  I read the first four books while I was doing my internship in New York City in the summer of 2009.  The HBO series Game of Thrones has only super-amped me for the Return of the George R.R. Martin.  Oh, also, here’s an interview where he talks a lot about his writing philosophies and the books and stuff.  An excellent primer to get you ready for his newest book, A Dance with Dragons (and you can bet I pre-ordered it on my Kindle and will be eagerly staring at my screen come 12:01 Tuesday July 12th, eeeeeeeee).

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Um, so, this is also HARRY POTTER WEEK because it is the LAST HARRY POTTER MOVIE EVAAAAARRRR and y’all probably know all about that so maybe I’ll write about it later.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

And FINALLY Breaking Bad season 4 is happening this Sunday, July 17th.  Blergh.  Guys, this is such a good week!  I’ll get back to you with more about Harry Potter and Breaking Bad as the week progresses, but for now I need to go stare at my clock and count down the minutes until A Dance with Dragons.

Gustavo is also waiting for the new Song of Ice and Fire book. See, that's his anticipation face. Really.