Excellent Quotes from Portal

This is why I do not play video games: they take me away from y’all and suck up all my waking attention and then next thing I know I am needing to play, just needing to play truly, so I can get to the next part of the story.  Those alternative storytelling people were not lying; video games really are the next and newest and most fun form of narrative.  The story that is being told in Portal is so simple and yet so compelling and I am loving it.

This is partly because I have now officially gone off the grid in the game.  I don’t want to give away any real spoilers but let us just say that it is exactly what it sounds like.

Luckily, the game is providing me with some really choice quotes to keep me giggling like a psycho as I attempt to solve the awesome puzzle.  Oh, also, the cake is still a lie.  Dammit.

Mild spoilers ahead with these quotes:

“Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the conclusion of the test. ”

“Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record, followed by death. ”

“Remember, the Aperture Science Bring Your Daughter to Work Day is the perfect time to have her tested.”

“Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self Esteem Fund for Girls? It’s true! ”

And my personal favorite, at least up to this point:  “Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said ‘Goodbye’ and you were like ‘No way!’ And then I was all ‘We pretended we were going to murder you?’ That was great!”

Forcing myself to go to bed now, the game will be waiting for me tomorrow.  I hope.

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