Guys! Work of Art: The Next Great Artist is back on Bravo and, like last season, I’ll be liveblogging it! I’ve looked over all the bios on the website and these are my initial
superficial judgments observations:
Leon, 31: His most notable trait will be that he is a deaf artist originally from Malaysia.
Dusty, 32: He will spend the entirety of his time on television talking about his daughter and how he misses his family.
Kathryn, 29: She went to Yale for her MFA and she is into those awesome wax figures people used to teach anatomy back in the day in Europe. She is also trying really hard to be Lisa Loeb. She will probably be pretentious.
Lola, 24: She’s a snake charmer! A snake charmer named Lola!
Sarah, 34: One of two Sara/hs, this one is from Cleveland, and I know someone who knows someone who knows her. I like her dress.
Jazz-Minh, 32: I don’t have anything to say about her except that her name is absolutely stupid and that I hope she pronounces it stupidly.
Kymia, 30: I feel like I should know her because she was at the University of Florida getting her MFA while I was there studying Art History. It is a small department, why don’t I recognize her! Anyways, Go Gators.
Tewz, 31: I couldn’t even read his bio because he also has a stupid name. What is with these people.
The Sucklord, 42: Okay so, I like that he has a geek aesthetic, and nerd interests, that is really cool, but the name, really?! And his bio picture is just dumb. Whatever, here’s praying that he’s entertaining.
Ugo, 34: Was your name Hugo and did you take the H off? Whyyyyy.
Sarah, 26: She will always be confused with Sarah with an “H.”
Bayete, 34: I know someone who knows him!
Michelle, 29: Ginger.
Young Sun, 28: His pink pants are really fierce.
I know, none of that had anything to do with art, nor was it particularly insightful, but I like to think I have good character judgment.
Of course we have some folks back from last season too, including judges Bill Powers, China Chow and her gravity-defying wardrobe, and my most favorite the amazing Jerry Saltz. Simon de Pury and his charm will be filling in the Tim Gunn role as mentor.
So according to the Bravo website during this first episode, Kitsch Me If You Can, the artists will “use pieces of ‘bad’ art, such as a painting of dogs playing checkers, a velvet cowboy, and a sculptural golden peacock as their canvas.” Sigh, this will be amazing. Join me back here at 9:00 to witness the carnage!
9:00 And we’re off! World Famous Brooklyn Museum! Cover story in Blue Magazine! $100,000 from Fiat! Prizes! China your dress has a hole in it! Jerry Saltz is looking for an artist who can fail flamboyantly (I wanted to write flail flamboyantly!) and, oh, I hope we see some flamboyant failures!
9:02: Kymia and The Sucklord are the first to arrive at the Brooklyn Museum. Kymia is from Durham! Durham and the University of Florida, you go girl. The Sucklord compares himself to Andy Warhol, in that Andy had soup cans and he had stormtroopers. I respect that.
9:03: Dusty is next, he has a neat work with crayons, and he is from Arkansas and you can tell. Ugo arrives fourth, and The Sucklord hates his work. I guess all the artists have self portaits up at the Brooklyn Museum as little introductions?
9:04: Young Sun is fifth to arrive and his self portrait is him naked, with his terminally ill parents in the background. This is his final family portrait. Good lord. Jazz-Minh was born on a hippy commune. No really?! Lola arrives seventh. Lola finds The Sucklord attractive. I mean, I’m down with the nerd factor, but absolutely not.
9:05: Lisa Loeb/Kathryn is next! She likes visceral tableaus. She’ll use the word visceral and tableau a lot. Leon and Tewz arrive together, Leon has an interpreter with him, which is positive! I was wondering how they would handle Leon being deaf.
9:06: Tewz has been arrested for doing graffiti in Chicago! He’s the Banksy of the bunch. And he has a stupid name. Michelle, who isn’t really a ginger, has arrived at some point and she made a gorgeous sculptural portrait of her head, constructed out of paper. Sarah with an H’s self portrait is lots of her head in a party banner. She is perky, Lola doesn’t like perky. Lola’s going to be a bitch. Sara without an h has this water-color looking scorpion thing. Bayete is a video artist, respect!
9:07: China, in a purple gossamer bondage dress arrives with Simon de Pury. I love how she pronounces his name. BE BOLD. BE BRAVE. BE AMAZING. He’s the best.
9:08: Simon de Pury already knows The Sucklord! He has bought and sold The Sucklord’s art! Impressive, Sucklord.
9:09: The reason we are at the Brooklyn Museum–besides everyone seeing each other’s self portraits–is so that the comtestants can see the actual hall where the winner’s art will be shown. The space is full of work that looks straight from Regretsy. The Sucklord informs one of the contestants that a picture of a wizard is, in fact, Gandalf. He also knows Gandalf’s sword’s name (Glamdring). The Sucklord really likes the art, because he is into pop culture and kitsch and doesn’t seem to take this stuff too seriously. The other contestants, not so much.
9:10: And this is their first challenge! They need to pick one of the kitschy pieces from the gallery and use it in work of art! And then they have not a ton of time to make it work! The Sucklord of course picks the Gandalf painting. Is it bad that I really like The Sucklord?
9:11: Is it also bad that part of me thinks/hopes that most of these contestants will produce works that are inferior to these Regretsy, kitschy pieces? Thus far I am thinking that Lola and Jazz-Minh (UNGH) are going to be the biggest Bs btw.
9:12: AND OFF TO THE STUDIO. Zoom in on a saxophone-playing bear, commercial break!