Once again it is Wednesday, and once again it is time for another amazing Work of Art episode and a hopefully amazing Work of Art liveblog. Just a refresher: last week we our thirteen contestants were now twelve, and they still had names like Sucklord and Jazz-Minh (ungh), and the contestants weathered their third challenge. This challenge required the contestants to make a piece inspired by Andy Warhol, and the guest judge was pop artist and Andy Warhol lover Rob Pruitt. Oh, also, it was a . DOOM. Young won with his pink and interactive anti-Proposition 8 piece, and he also got a big spread in Entertainment Weekly. Kymia should have won with her boobs and water bottle piece but boobs are not allowed in Entertainment Weekly, so I think she sabotaged herself. Dusty, Jazz-Minh (ungh), Leon and Michelle were in the bottom four, and Leon and Jazz-Minh were eliminated. See ya Jazz-Minh, you . Oh and also was all “Bayete you are lucky you had elimination this week” which was bitchy and hilarious!
This week the artists are paired up with a kid(!!!) and have to make art based by the kid(!!!) and this should be hilarious. I cannot wait to see what Sucklord does. And how many times he curses in front of his poor kid. Oh lord, these poor kids.
9:00: Yay everyone is sitting around at the loft and waiting and being nervous yay…and in comes Young Sun and Kymia and Dusty and Michelle. Dusty is all “my family, I need to get back on track for my family” and Young is all “yay I won but I don’t have immunity so, balls.”
9:01: Oh man they have a little chalk board list with everyone’s birthdays and zodiac signs and ages and people are being CROSSED OFF as they get eliminated. That is awesome. You know what isn’t awesome? CHINA’S STUPID RED DRESS THAT HAS A HOLE IN IT.
9:02: The sun rises over New York City, and our intrepid artists head out for the day, and discover a studio filled with CHILDREN. WHAAAAT. Sucklord is perplexed because there is a little girl sitting at his desk. He immediately says “I AM THE SUCKLORD” and that poor kid looks so confused.
9:03: Michelle is paired with a boy who is drawing a scorpion tail and he regards her kid with a bit of fear. Dusty is all over this challenge because he teaches 5th graders. Bayete is pretty much worried that the kids will draw better than he can which, valid. Oh hey China has bangs now, when did that happen. They look good!
9:04: Look! Sarah Jessica Parker! Kymia calls her a “fairy art-mother” which is awesome. SJP introduces the kids who are from Studio in a School, and they are from the NYC public school system. Dusty is super thrilled about this whole thing. Each kid has brought a work of art they have done, and the challenge is to create a work of art that is inspired by and compliments the kids’ works of art.
9:05: SJP gets to be a judge i think? Random observation: Lola looks like Eliza Dushku. So, we meet the kids. Sara P. has a little girl named Zelda who has made a word collage. Dusty is paired with a boy named Kei, who has a piece with a lot of negative space. Liora and Isabel, who are with Bayete I think, have this lovely line drawing piece, and their work has already been in a gallery lucky her. Marlo, who is with Sarah K., did a silhouette piece.
9:06: Reynie, who is with Sucklord, did a painting of a Harry Potter tree thing. Sucklord is thrilled by Reynie because she was raised by parents who had Star Wars figures on top of their wedding cake, so she’s a big nerd too! Victory!
9:07: SJP and China leave. Gabriel, who is with Sun, did a bird mobile. Kyle, who is with Tewz, did some kind of a vegetable piece? i have no idea. Anyways everyone is brainstorming now. Lola’s kid is all “oh no, doom,” which, yeah.
9:08: Kymia is paired with a girl named Alana, whose piece is a carrot on a beach. This really stumps Kymia because, I mean, a carrot on a beach? But Alana appears to be full of like, stories, of this little girl who eats carrots and has dropped her carrot and likes carrots or something like that? Anyways, the kids all go away now.
9:09: And our contestants go to Utrecht. We get Lola’s backstory. Her mom dated Al Pacino for TEN YEARS which is INSANE LOLA WHY HAVE YOU NOT TOLD US THIS BEFORE?!?! Wow. Tewz, who had one of the vegetable pieces by a kid named Kyle, decides to make a piece about the idea of growth and growing, using the word “grow.” I hope he makes it all grafftti and what not. Oh also evidently his graffiti got him a scholarship to the Art Institute of Chicago, which is cool. Yay Tewz.
9:10: Sucklord is worried about letting his kid down. He’s getting all choked up about the kid. aw, Sucklord has a heart. Sucklord is GROWING on me guys, I know he seems like such a douche but maybe he isn’t really a douche? Sucklord loves being around kids, probably because he’s a big kid himself. That’s sort of adorable. And I was all worried about how he’d handle this, guess I was wrong!
9:15: Sarah K. loves this challenge! She was a crafter, and she feels that will help her project. She’s going to make a shadow box, and since her kid buddy Marlow did a silhouette pieces, that’s not a bad idea. Dusty decides to do a portrait piece with doors and pieces of his kid’s (Kei) face. Bayete has Isabella and Liora and their piece has lots of flowers and butterflies, so he is going to do a stop motion animation piece.
9:16: Lola and Sara p. are outside smoking and stressing. Lola is not inspired by Josie’s floral drawing, because Lola is a bitch who takes herself too serious. Young Sun is taking pictures of Gabriel’s animal mobile. He is going to do a portrait of himself as an animal bird creature, like he’s a living mobile. He strips down to his underwear (a turquoise tank and boxer briefs if you must know) and starts leaping around. So gay it hurts y’all.
9:17: Sucklord is going to make a sculptural representation of Reiny’s tree painting. He’s going to make a secret world for kids. HE TELLS US HIS NAME. His name is Morgan Phillips. He was a big nerdy artsy child, which is unsurprising. Tewz is making some sort of model with growing pieces, it is a conceptual piece about growing in the city and it will have concrete and molds, which Tewz has never used before so, you know, risky.
9:18: Michelle looks to be doing another gorgeous paper sculpture. With swans! And foliage! Her kid-partner, Jon, made a piece about eyes, so Michelle is going to make a piece with swans who plucked each other’s eyes out. Whaaaaaat? That’s dark Michelle.
9:19: Oh so Kymia’s kid, Alana, her carrot story is about a kid who ate too much and died and dropped her carrot, I love it! Kymia is totally my favorite, and not just because she’s from Durham and went to the University of Florida!
2:20: Sara P. (or is it J. or P. I can’t remember), she had a rough childhood. Her kid-partner did the word collage, so she’s going to do something similar. In the meantime, Simon arrives! Hi Simon! He goes to Sucklord first, and Simon is all “I bet you hate kids Sucklord,” and Sucklord is all, “Oh no I can tone myself down for kids, kids are great!” and Simon is all “Oh that’s good.” He’s not sure how he feels about Sucklord’s piece yet, but Sucklord is more worried abotu what the kid thinks, which is sweet.
9:21: Dusty’s next. Kei’s piece is about positive and negative space and doors. Dusty’s piece will be interactive and mobile and it will be a portrait about Kei. Simon worries that the piece is a little literal but thinks it could work.
9:22: Sara J. (not P.) talks to Simon about her word piece. Simon thinks that Zelda’s piece is gorgeous. Sara just keeps crying, so we’ll see if she can actually do something worthwhile. Simon feels that Zelda’s work will probably be more impressive than Sara’s which, yeah. Sara’s just going to keep working on divorce, although she looks like she spells it “divorse”? Oi.
9:26: Lola! Lola is all “Josie is 9 and she made this…beautiful…drawing.” I hate Lola, she’s the new GDB now that Jazz-Minh is gone. Lola, as usual, has no sense of what she is doing and her thoughts are a big mess. Simon says “This is not the beginning of a great work of art” and Lola looks like she’s about to cry. Bitch.
9:27: Tewz has Kyle’s vegetable still life and Tewz is doing this very conceptual work about urban growth and Simon thinks that it is waaaay too conceptual and that the judges won’t be able to see the visual link. Tewz is all about following his own personal vision, so he’ll probably follow it to elimination.
9:28: And now onto Michelle’s bloody sad eyeless swan piece, which is so heavy and so not kid-friendly at all. Simon looks a little horrified by the whole idea. He prefers the kid’s piece, because it is just eyes, and it is very strong and simple. Michelle’s piece, not so strong and simple. Since Michelle was almost eliminated during the last challenge, she might want to listen to Simon.
9:29: Simon has an announcement! He is going to auction off the winning piece, and all the proceeds will go to Studio in a School, which is great! Also, the winner gets immunity. So everyone needs to be bold, be brave, be amazing. Seriously y’all, step it up! Sucklord’s meeting with Simon has Sucklord worried–he doesn’t want to make another piece of kitsch. Lola is mega sad that Simon is always hating on her which, Lola, you’re so hateable, why wouldn’t he hate on you?
9:30: Michelle also bemoans Simon’s critique. Don’t scare the children Michelle! I can’t really take this conversation seriously because there is a large photograph of leaping Young Sun in underwear behind her. Hilarious. Anyways, Michelle is making some gorgeous eyes out of paper now, and Sara J. is making a word-image collage about affairs and half-brothers and divorce, which is very deep and dark!
9:31: 15 minutes left in the evening! Young Sun needs to make him some feathers. So gay it hurts Young Sun, so gay it hurts. But it is a truly good hurt. Tewz is now mixing concrete and he’s trying not to be too artsy fartsy, but it all looks silly and conceptual and I doubt the concrete is going to set on time so, yeah.
9:32: Tewz sees Young Sun’s piece and is all “You’re so gay.” I mean he is nice about it but, oh, Tewz. Tewz totally has a lot of opinions. Whoa Sucklord almost dropped his piece! He’s so worried about failing because he doesn’t want to upset the kid, that is adorable.
9:33: And everyone is home! They talk about how the kids are inspirational. Bayete talks about how he’s the oldest of his siblings, and we see some photos, including a Kwanza thing maybe? Sucklord is quiet because his heart has been stirred by his kid. The men all talk about how kids are manipulative and all want ponies. Oi.
9:34: Day of the show guys! Two hours to the show guys! Getting shit done montage guys! Of course not all of Tewz’s concrete has set. Kymia has a lovely drawing happening, and she’s feeling good about her piece. Sucklord is not happy with his piece, mainly because he doesn’t have enough time to paint it. Sucklord’s so worried about what his kid-partner is going to think! This is touching.
9:42: Hey! Gallery show! Our judges are, once again, Jerry Saltz, Bill Powers and his giant hair, and guest judge Sarah Jessica Parker!
9:43: The kids come in and look at their works next to the art works. Bayete’s piece is a lovely stop motion piece. Sucklord’s kid says she loves Sucklord’s “The Secret Tree,” which has lots of bugs and fun things in it. Marlo thinks that Sarah K.’s shadowbox piece is cool. The connection between the two pieces is extremely clear. Sara J.’s piece is no good, it doesn’t incorporate Zelda, and it is a bummer! Sadface.
9:44: Alana is telling Jerry Saltz about the dead girl who ate too much and I love it. Kymia’s drawing is beautiful. Oh hey Nicole from season 1 is here! Funsies! Tewz’s growth piece is actually far better than I thought it would be.
9:45: Lola’s piece is just too literal. Jerry says it is a bit blah which, yeah. Dusty, once again, talks about how much he misses his kid. Dusty’s piece is actually quite lovely! I like that it is interactive and that it shows pieces of Kei. Jerry says, of Michelle’s piece, “What a strange object.” But wow, her work is just gorgeous.
9:46: Ahhh Young Sun in feathers amazing. Anyways, the kids leave now. That was fun.
9:47: Juding time. China is all: “some of y’all are awesome, some of y’all suck a lot and your kids work was better than yours.” The following artists are asked to stay: Sucklord, Tewz, Sara J., Kymia and Dusty. Everyone else is safe and gets to go relax. Dusty had one of the better pieces in the show, which is great, yay Dusty. He calls the piece a portrait, but Bill thinks it is a visual biography. This is a lovely little pieces about an adorable kid, yay Dusty.
9:48: Kymia is the other favorite piece of the night. Kymia asked Alana “what else would I see if we moved the piece?” and Alana was all: “It is a dead girl that ate too much!” The two pieces tell a story, and Kymia’s drawing is just gorgeous. Kymia is by far my favorite contestant. So wins? Kymia wins! Yay Kymia, she’s gonna get her work auctioned, and she’s super awesome, and yay Kymia!
9:49: Sara J., Sucklord, and Tewz are in the bottom. Sara J. starts crying immediately. Keep it together girl! They start with Sara’s piece. Sara, I think, put too much of her sad ten year old self into the work. Anyways, Sara can barely explain the piece because she just keeps crying. At least she isn’t howling like Kathryn was.
9:50: Bill Powers takes control and decides to talk about the piece stylistically, because the subject matter is clearly stressing Sara out. The judges clearly try to be nice to her, but oof, girl.
9:51: Sucklord is next. He has his Secret Tree, that only kids can see. Jerry is all: “So little worlds are great, but you didn’t really create anything.” Sucklord’s goal was to make Reynie happy, and he accomplished that goal, so now he’s happy. Sucklord’s imagination is stymied by Star Wars, Jerry Saltz wants Sucklord to make his own world, or else Jerry Saltz is going to get medieval on Sucklord and, well, y’all know how I love Jerry Saltz.
9:52: And, onto Tewz. Jerry and SJP feel that the work is colorless and not personal. Sucklord defends Tewz like, crazily, he thinks the piece has balls. Jerry looks like he is trying super hard not to laugh. I’m a little worried that Sucklord is going home, although when Jerry says he believes that Tewz’s interpretive powers are lacking well, maybe Tewz is going home.
9:53: Everyone goes upstairs to mope and wait and the judges sit downstairs and talk. They say there’s a crime of the imagination (Sucklord), the crime of the disconnect (Tewz), and the crime of the caring too much (Sara J.). So Tewz’s piece lacks imagination (they think) and Sara J.’s piece it too literal (they think) and the Sucklord was too worried about his kid and had far too much of a “blueprint,” so, you know, we’ll see who they send home when the commercials are over.
9:58: Doom and scary music! No one’s pieces worked. Sucklord’s piece was a generic, imagination-lacking mess. Sara’s piece was all about her, and not about Zelda at all. Tewz’s piece about growth was stunted and wilted. So one of these crazy kids is going home. And it is Tewz. BYE TEWZ. I felt pretty neutral about you, so, that’s okay.
9:59: Hugs in the green room! Tewz is gonna keep doing graffiti! You might be seeing his art right next to you RIGHT NOW OMFG. Next week we go to the NYTimes headquarters, which is like the best place because the NYTimes is great, and also there’s a super heavy piece of art by Kymia! And more tears! And more angry judges! Oh boy y’all this should be fun. Until next week!