Work of Art Liveblog, Episode 6: Street Dealers

Once again it is Wednesday, and once again it is time for another amazing Work of Art episode and a hopefully amazing Work of Art liveblog.  Just a refresher: last week we only had nine contestants, and there was another challenge!  The contestants went to the New York Times printing factory (which was amazing!) and they had to pick a headline and make a work of art based on said headline.  The art also had to incorporate newspaper.  Young Sun won (again) for his conceptual but ultimately boring piece about Ai Weiwei.  Dusty and, for some absurd reason, terrible Lola were also in the top two.  Sucklord was, once again, in the bottom two, as was Sarah K. who has never before had a critique.  Not a good start, Sarah K.  But ultimately Bayete went home; he botched a great concept (he picked an article about the Sister Act musical blergh!) an was eliminated due to his shoddy, misconstructed gold doors.

Bay bay, Bayete.

This week the artists will be making covert street art.  In DUMBO!  You know Tewz is kicking himself y’all.

9:00:  The girls are all sitting around in the loft, waiting for the winners and the losers to trickle in.  Young is all “YAY I WON” like, twinkly and stuff, he’s so twinkly.  Lola is jealous because young has won the two best prizes.  I hate her.

9:01:  But oh, a moment of sadness, Bayete has left us.  Bay bay Bayete (hee, that will never get old).  Dusty is bummed because he didn’t win.  He definitely needs $20,000 because he’s from Arkansas, and therefore, poor.  Sucklord crosses Bayete’s name off the board.

9:02:  8 artists remain, blah blah, Brooklyn Museum, blah blah. China’s stupid red dress with a HOLE IN IT SDJFLSDJWOERJ blah.  Title sequence, blah.  And we cut to Young Sun giving Sarah K. a massage, cute.  but oh, massage time over, off the artists go.  MYSTERY LOCATION.   The van stops in DUMB, or, under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass.  We see Simon, in casual clothes, and China in this weird structural white dress that makes her hips look enormous.

9:03:  WELCOME TO BROOKLYN.  ALL THE WORLD IS A CANVAS Y’ALL.  Simon is all “Street art, blah blah, EXPRESSION, ILLEEEEEGAL.”  I love Simon.  So the artists have to do street art on two walls in DUMBO.  Sucklord is all “Street art is really broad y’all, but I guess this will work.”  The twist to the challenge is that the artists will be working in teams of two.

9:04:  Teams y’all!  Artists don’t work well in teams, this will be great.  To pick the teams the artists have to spray paint colors on China’s white dress.  China looks sort of, fake terrified.  Sara J. and Kymia are paired together.  Dusty and Young Sun are together (that’s a good team!)  Michelle and Lola are a team.  And Sucklord (who spray paints two green nipples on China, hahaha!) is paired with Sarah K.

9:05:  Simon also spray paints China, but he also spray paints her skin which, oops.  Michelle calls Simon “The Sucklord with an Ascot.”  i love it!

9:06:  The winning artist (despite people being in teams, there will be only one winner) gets $30,000.  Damn yo.  Each team gets 44 feet of wall space, and the teams run off to plan.  Sarah K. is excited to be with Sucklord.  She’s an installation artist, and he has knowledge of street art.  Hopefully they will make a great team!

9:07:  Kymia and Sara J. are scared of the wall.  Because it is so big.  That’s what she said!  Dusty talks about his and Young’s differences.  Dusty has a WIFE and KID and is from ARKANSAS and Young Sun is a big gay bird, love him.

9:08:  Michelle is of course talking about dark and debauched thing, Lola just talks about how she used to throw glitter around in the streets when she was a kid.  i mean, I wish I had done that but, alas, I didn’t.  So Lola and Michelle decide to make a giant party scene.

9:09:   Sucklord says: “Lola is hot, but Sarah is a cutey with a booty.”  Aw.  Sucklord, appreciative of all shapes and sizes of ladies.

9:10:  Dusty and Young decide to build some staircases, but they aren’t sure where the staircases will lead.  Young’s just worried because he’s never done street art and it isn’t his thing, and he feels that he and Dusty are not connecting, just working.  Young, despite having won last week, does not have immunity, so he is worried.

9:14:  And we’re back.  Lola and Michelle are trying to figure out a story.  With HOT and SEXY Tiger People.  With mustaches!  A harem of sexually active tigers.  YOU CANNOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP GUYS.

9:15:  Also, striped penises.  We see some images of really childish looking penises.  This is amazing.  But wait, Michelle, why do you like Lola?  Lola’s a bitch.  Lola explains why she is a bitch: her mom taught her to be a cutter of lines, and she is a brash and rude and shitty person.  I hate you Lola.

9:16:  Young Sun, while jealous of the tiger penis, is worried that Michelle and Lola are maybe not taking this challenge too seriously.  Sara and Kymia are sharing their stories of their parents having moved from the Philippines and Iran, respectively.  They do a drawing about people being literally uprooted, which is quite lovely.

9:17:  Sucklord and Sarah really want to win, because they’ve only been in the bottom, and that is a bummer.  Their piece is going to be the city as a 3-D maze.  it is almost midnight, and most of the teams are doing their mock-ups, but Dusty and Young Sun are just stumped.  They are not happy people.

9:18:  Michelle asks if their idea has too many dicks and Lola is all “hell no.”  Michelle exclaims: “PENISES ARE SO MUCH FUN!”  Maybe this show should be on LOGO?  Anyways, it is the end of the night now, and everyone is headed home.

9:19:  The next day Dusty and Young Sun have an idea!  Young Sun’s father died just as Dusty was becoming a father.  They decide to make this mirrored experience their story.  Aaaand everyone is back to the studio.  They are spending a lot of time in the studio!  They will be heading back to DUMBO at 6:00 to work on their project on site, and they will have until 3:00am to finish their work.

9:20:  Young Sun thinks that Sucklord and Sarah’s piece is too design-y (in the meantime Sucklord makes a penis joke, this show is so full of penises tonight y’all).  Dusty and Young Sun are trying to make up for lost time.

9:21:  Michelle and Lola think that Sara and Kymia’s piece about immigration is way too serious, they’d rather win the $30,000 by making dick pics.  We cut to drama!  Michelle and Lola are ignoring Kymia, who keeps asking them if they can use the scanner.  Kymia is understandably annoyed.

9:22:  Michelle and Lola are being little bitches.  Sarah K. agrees with me that Lola is a GDB and she is all “I stay away from mean bitches like Lola.”  Preach, Sarah K.

9:25:  Sara J. and Kymia decide to head out to Brooklyn early.  Sarah K. heads off to DUMBO without Sucklord, who is finishing up some work.  The artists slowly arrive in Brooklyn and start getting to work.

9:26:  So all the artists are out of the studio, except for Michelle and Lola, who are printing stuff.  Lola takes the opportunity to bitch about Kymia.  BUT, when Lola and Michelle arrive in Brooklyn the wall is waaaaay bigger than they remember, and their piece looks stupid.

9:27:  Young and Dusty’s piece looks like it is coming together–they have their faces, and they have some dialogue, it is going to be a lovely conversation.  Simon deems the stairs that they spent all the time on totally unnecessary–I hope they listen to him, because it will definitely be better without it!

9:28:  Simon heads to Kymia and Sara J.  Their piece is very stark and simplistic.  Simon thinks that the piece is quite striking and hopes that the girls don’t make it too detailed.

9:29:  Michelle and Lola’s turn, with the penis tigers!  Oh this is fun, they have stickers, so that people can put the stickers on the wall!  Simon thinks the piece is fun but he finds all the detailing a little overwhelming.  Street art should be simple y’all!  Lola, of course, doesn’t care what Simon says.  Did I mention that Lola is a GDB?

9:30:  Sucklord and Sarah K.’s turn.  Simon also has problems with their work–they have a lot of work to do!  And the time, it is disappearing!

9:31:  Doing things montage!  Lola is all “I don’t like Kymia and Sara’s piece.”  Lola I hate you so much, why are you still here.  And then, oh, and then!  It starts raining, guys.  And Sucklord is worried because his and Sarah’s piece is glued to the wall.

9:32:  And they all go home, to sleep for like three hours, and back to Brooklyn they all go for their last hour of work.  Sucklord and Sarah K. are relieved to see that their piece has not been damaged by the rain.

9:33:  Sucklord and Sarah K. decide to put a little rat and a little piece of cheese in their maze.  Adorable.   Oh no, Young and Dusty kept the stairs, blergh.  The stairs are to allow people to walk to the wall and write their own thoughts.  I think the piece would be fine without the stairs, but whatever.

9:34:  ARTISTS!  YOUR TIME IS UP!

9:38:  Ahahaha, the little Work of Art silly commercial intro is about Young Sun’s tiny little shorts.  Dusty is all “Young is a gay construction worker.”  I’m glad they talked about the shorts, man, because I definitely noticed them.  On a side note, I really like Young and Dusty’s work, because when they started off they were all “We are so different this could be a disaster,” but the work really ties together what they, and everyone, have in common, which is parenthood, either being one or having one.  It is an example of how art can really bring all types of people together, and I would not be surprised if they won.

9:41:  AHHH CHINA HAS A GIANT FEATHERED BIRD AROUND HER NECK WHY.  This distracts me as she introduces the judges, inclding guest judge Lee Quinones.

9:42:  Young and Dusty’s piece is called “Universal Conversation.”  It is VERY effective and even Jerry says “wow.”  It gets people talking.

9:43:  Lola and Michelle are handing out their stickers.  The piece is called “The New Neighbors Seem Nice (I Wonder If They Will Invite Us Over).”  Anyways, the sticker invites naughtiness.  Lola encourages people to put the stickers on other people’s pieces, which is INCREDIBLY bitchy.  Lola puts stickers on other people’s pieces before the judges come to see them.  Wow, that’s incredibly bitchy.

9:44:  Wow, Lola and Michelle are just terrible people.  They even add penises to um, inappropriate places.  Anyways, Kymia and Sara’s piece is called “Reroot.”  China says that their piece is better from far away, while the other pieces are better from up close. AHHH RANDOM GUY WITH A TREE ON HIS HEAD CRAZY HAIRDO.

9:45:  Hahaha, Sucklord and Sarah’s piece is called “Sucklord and Sarah K.’s Super Big Art Project.”  Jerry calls it graphic and boring, eesh.  A police car drives by and Sucklord hilariously runs off.

9:46:  for some reason we go back to the gallery for the critique?  That’s weird.  The artists take their critiques in front of photographs of the work.  Dusty and Young’s piece is in the top, of course.  Lee loves that the piece allows conversation.  The other favorite wall is Sara J. and Kymia’s!  Yay!  Not Lola and Michelle’s, who are EVIL.  Lola is all “WTF.”  China just loves the piece, the scale, the people.  Lee loves the rawness of the roots and calls it a great piece.

9:47:  The winner’s circle!  Dusty, Young, Sara and Kymia!  One team will win and get $30,000.  And the winning team is Dusty and Young (of course!)  Jerry things that the piece is a great merging of skills and imaginations.  Dusty and Young will be splitting the $30,000, which is awesome.  Young is all: “THIS IS MY THIRD WIN AND IT IS AWESOME AND I HAVE WON $35,000.  YEAH.”  Dusty is all: “HEY WIFE WE WON $15,000.”

9:48:  Young Sun is mostly excited because Dusty promised that, should they win, he will wear Young’s short shorts!  Amazing.  Oddly, the winners are asked to stay while the bottom teams receive their critiques.  Sucklord and Sarah K. are first.  Jerry didn’t like their street art because it seemed conventional and sleepy (PS I love that Sucklord calls Jerry “sir.”)

9:49:  Bill says that he was looking for something subversive and he thinks it is conventional and boring.  Sarah K. says that the idea was very mutual.  Sucklord is pretty disappointed in himself, and Bill thinks that Sucklord is afraid to take the leap.  Poor Sucklord and Sarah.

9:50:  Michelle and GDB Lola are next.  Imagined voyeurism and penises etc.  Bill Powers doesn’t feel like he was let in on a secret, he felt like it was a comical caricature, and not in a good way.  Lee found it really bland and wall-papery.

9:51:  Jerry and Bill are disappointed that Lola’s use of text and image has gone downhill so much from last week.  China asks the other artists how they feel about the piece?  Kymia and Sara say they are upset that Lola and Michelle tagged the other peices before the judges could see them and Lola is all: “WE WERE TRYING TO BE DEVIOUS STREET ARTISTS” and Jerry basically gives Lola a look like “Bitch I just caught you stealing a cookie from the cookie jar.”

9:52:  In the green room Lola is talking a lot of bullshit and basically being a bitch, anyways, back to the judges.  PS I’m pretty sure that Lola is going home.  China felt that Lola and Michelle’s afterparty was gimmicky and lame.  Michelle’s a great artist and she was really sidetracked by Lola.

9:53:  China thinks that Lola was trying to get a free pass and that Lola was the puppeteer–I agree, Michelle got overrun by stupid Lola.  In the meantime, Bill calls Sarah and Sucklord’s piece dull and architectural.  Jerry calls it an anonymous scribble and lacking in strong ideas.  China mentions that Sucklord has had too many changes, and Bill is disappointed that Sucklord didn’t deliver something fun but, instead, delivered packaged street art.  Oh no, I hope that Sucklord doesn’t go home!

9:57: Dramatic music!  Oh hey China took the dead rainbow bird off, thank goodness.  Anyways, each artist gets their little slap on the wrist–especially poor Sucklord and horrible Lola.  So who goes home?  NOT LOLA.  Dammit, I hate her.

9:58:    Sucklord, alas, is gone.  I mean it makes sense, he’s been in the bottom so much.  He is all: “If you strike me down I will become more powerful than you can ever imagine.”  Oh he also says “Don’t cry for me Argentina.”  Everyone is really sad that Sucklord is leaving, as am I!    Anyways, Sucklord will be fine, he gets a lot of free publicity from this.  Bye bye Sucklord, you were so entertaining, but man I wish Lola was out instead of you, she’s the worst.

9:59:  Next week: car parts, and Lola’s a witch!  Well that explains a lot.  Thanks for watching with me y’all!

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