Work of Art, Episode 7: La Dolce Arte

Once again it is Wednesday, and once again it is time for another amazing Work of Art episode and a hopefully amazing Work of Art liveblog.  Just a refresher: TWO WEEKS AGO (Oh, Thanksgiving, wreaking havoc with my television schedule) we only had eight contestants, and we had a team-based challenge!   Each contestant was randomly paired with another and they were tasked to create a piece of street art.  Kymia and Sara J. and Young Sun and Dusty made fantastic, cohesive pieces of art.  Young Sun and Dusty won, and they also won $15,000 each!  Sucklord and Sarah K. and Michelle and Lola (who I hate), made less-good artwork, and unfortunately our dear the Sucklord was sent home.  This is a shame–he should have rocked the street art, but I think he was full of fear, which leads to anger, which leads to hatred, which leads to the Dark Side, etc.  We will miss you a lot, Sucklord, you brought quite a bit of personality and entertainment to this competition.  Also, nerd pride.

You shall not pass.

This week we come to our official product placement challenge (remember last season’s car-inspired challenge?  Ungh).   Our remaining artists must utilize a component from a Fiat 500 and turn it into art!  I am really bored by this challenge already, y’all.

9:00: ART ART ART.  The Sucklord, alas, is gone.  Everyone is sad, because the fun and slightly sexually offensive Sucklord is gone.  Who will have sex with all the girls?  Who will be loud and obnoxious.

9:01:  Lola still sees “potential romance” for her and Sucklord whaaaat?  Girl, he has a girlfriend, and you are terrible.  Oh, also, Dusty now has to wear Young Sun’s short shorts because they won the challenge.  This is awesome because Young Sun is a tiny Gaysian and Dusty is from Arkansas.  He takes the whole thing well, and puts on the shorts, because he is a man of his word.  That was fun, and probably the high point of the episode y’all.

9:02:  INTRO.  CHINA’S DRESS STILL HAS A HOLE IN IT.  THIS BOTHERS ME SO MUCH GUYS.

9:03:  Kymia voice-overs about what a bitch Lola is, which is totally true.  Lola is terrible guys.  In the meantime, everyone heads off to the challenge.  We head to the gallery and there is lots of Fiat stuff laid out everywhere.  Sarah K. calls it beautiful.  I’m not really a car person, so I am not that interested by this.  Evidently Sarah K.’s father owns an auto shop.  wel there you go.

9:04:  Some Italian words about Italian cars, and some French-accented words from Simon Pury about artists, like Richard Prince and John Chamberlain, who have used cars as an inspiration for art.  The artists’ challenge is to create a work of art using at least one part from the Fiat 500.  The artist with the best piece gets $25,000.  Damn, kids, they are throwing the money around in this competition.

9:05:  Running around collecting parts montage!!!  No one knows what they are making, so everyone is confused!

9:06:  Wow, they’ve cleaned out the place.  The artists roll their car parts up to the studio.  Hurr.  Many of the artists don’t know anything about cars.  This should be fun!  Michelle is super excited about it–i hope that she recovers her happiness and light and talent from the mess Lola made of it last week.

9:07:  Hahahaha, Sara J. doesn’t know how to drive.  Oi.  Lola once again is all: “I have so many ideas.  I don’t know what I am doing!  La la la la la.”  However, I sort of like her idea of fossilizing the objects.

9:08:  Kymia actually got the key to the car, hilarious.  She’s going to grind down the key and make it look like stardust–key to the car, key to the universe, etc.   Dusty is now going to put the lotion on his skin (or else he gets the hose again).  No, he’s doing lotion to make a mold of his face.

9:09:  Wow, Dusty….isn’t taking that many precautions with his facial mold.  Jesus this is scary.  Kymia helps him, thankfully.  Also he has a BEARD, wow that is going to HURT when it comes off y’all.  I’m mildly terrified, but we’re going to have to wait through the commercials to see what happens.

9:13:  Car parts everywhere!  I want to note that the artists are looking more and more shell-shocked in their confessionals.

9:14:  Sarah K. tries to get conversation going by being all: “so who made out with boys in the backseat of their car?”  Kymia is all: “I never went parking!”  Sara J. talks about how she was a Girls Gone Wild more or less.  Young Sun of course went parking, whee.  In the meantime, Dusty is laying around, waiting for Kymia to come back and help him with the plaster that is covering his face.  He can’t call for help.  I am a sick person, so I find this mildly amusing.

9:15:  Michelle is making balloon animals!  No, she’s just making a transparent human body with balloons and construction paper.  Sarah K. thinks this stupid.  Dusty’s laying on the ground trying to scream-moan and finally Kymia is all “Oh shit I forgot about Dusty.”

9:16:  Kymia pulls the mask off of Dusty.  He states that it hurts a bit when it comes off of his beard.  Duh.  Kymia, in the meantime, is still annoyed at Lola for being a GDB.  So am I, girl, I hope she goes away.

9:17:  Sara J. is Young Sun’s hag.  Aw, love.  Sara J. starts gluing foam, which she pulled out the car seat, to the muffler, it is sort of pretty.  YOUNG SUN DECIDES TO MAKE A ROBOT.  YAY.  A gay robot?  Please?

9:18:  Sarah K. is skinning car seats, like an animal skin.  Her father, who passed away recently (sniff), worked in the auto industry, and so this piece has to do with him.

9:19:  Lola has brought, from home, some mineral solutions?  Huh?  She’s making her pieces look like rocks.  Young Sun and Kymia are all: “Look, it is a witch’s brew.”  Lola’s a witch, ahaha.  And Lola actually seriously confesses that she is a “good witch” and her grandmother was a witch and a healer and she can make things happen with the force of her will and guys, Lola, I can’t handle her.

9:20:  A bit more montage, particularly with Young Sun’s piece.  I like Kymia’s idea of the stardust and the car key, but there isn’t a lot of car parts involved that I can see, and she seems to want her piece to be automated.

9:21:  Studio visit!  Hi Simon.  Oh I love how he says “Sarah.”  Sarah K.’s piece functions like a large-scale Rorschach blot.  Simon is quite happy with her work, which is great, because I think Sarah K. needs to prove herself.

9:22:  To Lola!  Trying to make car parts look old.  Simon is not impressed, because she’s not really doing much other than changing the surface of the car parts.  Lola, as usual, has a bunch of hot mess pieces. Lola gets all weepy because of Simon’s negative critique. And with that we go to commercial!

9:26:  To Michelle, and her invisible human.  She’s using the car parts to make human body parts, and she’ll press the person up against the glass window of the car.  Simon thinks the piece looks more like a children’s challenge piece, and Michelle is not pleased, as you can imagine.

9:27:  Kymia is sad and feels uninspired.  Because she doesn’t like cars.  You and me both, girl.  Simon loves the imagination behind the starry starry stardust idea, but he’s worried about the realization.  We’ll see what happens.

9:28:  Dusty!  His molded-face-press into the steering wheel doesn’t look great.  Simon hopes that Dusty can come up with something better, and Dusty agrees with him, so time for Dusty to make something new, in like, four hours whee.  Before Simon leaves, he gives a happy, enthusiastic pep talk.  He’s so adorable.

9:29:  Sara J. and Lola go upstairs to take a smoke break.  Okay, so, now Lola is going to make a drawing about her driving to the Grand Canyon with her father.  Oh and also she is tracing her drawing from a photograph, not drawing free-hand, and Kymia is all: “she’s not a real artist because she is tracing,” and um…yeah, a little bit Kymia, I think.

9:30:  Dusty spends awhile pondering all of his car parts before creating a new piece about the monotony of life.  Kymia, in the meantime, starts composing a Work of Art musical about Young Sun.  It is called: “Young, Sassy, and Free!”  Everyone is pretty jealous of Young Sun because he’s won $35,000 thus far.  Lola is all: “Imma gonna go Tonya Harding on him!” Lola you’re so scary!  Lola is also annoyed that Sara J.’s piece is good.  Lola, ungh.

9:31:  Michelle is saddened by Simon’s critique, and is wandering around fretting.  So now she’s going to make an anthropomorphic car, like the movie Cars!  Aaaand it is midnight.

9:32:  And just as quickly it is the next morning.  Michelle, of course, has a great new idea!  She’s going to take the windows of the car and make them look all steamy and like someone is making out all Titanic-style in said car.  Everyone arrives at the studio for their last hour of work and, of course, everyone has a ton of work to do.  Oh, this show.

9:33:  Michelle is trying out her foggy, sexy window idea…she’s even putting her hair in the glue, oof.  She uses the phrase “plowed from behind” which is hilarious.  Thanks for that, Michelle.  Sara J.’s piece is quite lovely, wow.  Good for her, it looks like, floral and coral and such.

9:34:  Young Sun’s robot, IT IS ALIVE!  His piece is cool.  Sarah K. voice overs that people are freaking out like, crazily.  Michelle has several different pieces and she doesn’t know what to use.  She ends up using the anthropomorphic car piece.

9:35:  Lola, as usual, has a million different things and she’s just going to cobble it together.  Young Sun states that Lola needs more time to mature as an artist.  I believe that Lola needs more time to mature as a person, but that’s just me.   Commercial break!

9:37:  Oh hey, I forgot that Jennifer Lopez was shilling for Fiat too.  They are really trying to push this Fiat, y’all.

9:42:  Gallery showdown yay.  We see our judges again (Hi Jerry!), including guest judge Liz Cohen, a photographer and performance artist.

9:43:  Lola’s piece once again has a long and silly title.  (Also can someone tell me where these gallery visitors come from?  I’m so curious).

9:44:  Young Sun’s robot is called “Trophy.”  I likee!  He did well.  Michelle’s piece is called “Scenic Overlook.”  It is, as she voiceovers, silly and weird.  Dusty’s piece is called “Daily Commute,” and it looks pretty nice.  The monotony of life.  Kymia’s piece is broken, oh no.  It is called “Key to the Universe.”  Poor Kymia.

9:45:  Sara J.’s piece is called “Backfire” and it is lovely.  It is a car part, but transformed!  Sarah K.’s piece is called “Hide.”  Like, hide as in skin!  I love it.

9:46:  Was L.L. Cool J. there?  Did I make that up?  Oi.  Anyways, the following artists are asked to remain:  Kymia, Sara J., Lola, Michelle, and Sarah K.  Dusty and Young are safe and get to go home.  All lady crit!

9:47:  Sara J. had one of the best pieces in the show (duh) so they start with her.  Her piece is great, explosive and organic and floral coming out of a car muffler, lovely!  The material told Sara J. what to do.  Bill calls it a “Muffler of Solitude,” like the Fortress of Solitude.  Everyone is happy that Sara J. didn’t do a drawing, also.

9:48: Sarah K. is the other top piece in the show, which is great!  Yay Sarah!  Bill says that the two most successful pieces tonight let the materials guide them, which is true.  Sarah’s piece is very visually arresting and personally compelling because of the whole late father thing.  One of the Sara/hs will win $25,000.  And it is Sara J.!  Good for her, she wants to go to grad school and this will help so much.  She definitely had the best piece, so I am happy for her.

9:49:  The winners are asked to stay for the losers’ critique.  Terrible Lola is first.  She took all of her random pieces and threw them into the gallery.  Too much, Lola, too much overkill.  Lola is all: “We don’t have room to play when we install stuff waaaaah” and the guest judge is all: “welcome to the art world piece.”  Jerry is annoyed that Lola isn’t changing.  I’m annoyed because Lola is terrible.  Lola cries some, and makes some excuses.

9:51:  Kymia is next.  Poor Kymia, her work broke.  And also, the idea of the work was much better than the reality.  The piece just did not work outside of the conceptual stage, oh Kymia.

9:52:  Michelle is next.  Happy car, sad car.  The guest judge is bummed that it isn’t freakier, and Jerry thinks that she didn’t take a risk.  Michelle, you are so much better than this!  I still think Lola is going home, however.  I, like Jerry, am amazed that Michelle didn’t make the piece about her car accident.  Anyways, everyone heads up to the green room to be sad and to drink.

9:53:  The judges are all: We are so disappointed by the bottom three, they are better than this!  This is true, especially of Michelle and Kymia.  Not so much of Lola, send her home!  Hahaha, Michelle got caught in the headlights, hahaha clever.

9:54:  Kymia’s piece lacked a big bang.  Hurr, the judges are on a roll tonight.  But at least she took some risks!  Anyways, I still think it is Lola who is going home!

9:57: DRAMATIC MUSIC.  Reality shows, so comforting in their formulas.  China: ” The only rule in art is what works, and none of your pieces did.”  I still don’t know what that means.  Each judge attacks each piece for being disappointing in some way.  Anyways, just get to the elimination!  Please be Lola!

9:58:  Yay not Kymia!  WHOA MICHELLE.  Wow.  I really thought Michelle was going to be in the top three, that’s crazy.  Lola’s piece was just so terrible–all of her pieces are terrible, why is she still here?!

9:59:  The Sara/hs are both all: “NOOOOO” when Michelle says she has to leave but, this is what happens.  Next week the artists will…sell…art…on the streets?  I don’t entirely understand, but it looks like it will be fun!  Anyways, I am sad that Michelle had to go.  Maybe Lola will go next week, pretty please?

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