Tag: Sucklord

Work of Art, Episode 7: La Dolce Arte

Once again it is Wednesday, and once again it is time for another amazing Work of Art episode and a hopefully amazing Work of Art liveblog.  Just a refresher: TWO WEEKS AGO (Oh, Thanksgiving, wreaking havoc with my television schedule) we only had eight contestants, and we had a team-based challenge!   Each contestant was randomly paired with another and they were tasked to create a piece of street art.  Kymia and Sara J. and Young Sun and Dusty made fantastic, cohesive pieces of art.  Young Sun and Dusty won, and they also won $15,000 each!  Sucklord and Sarah K. and Michelle and Lola (who I hate), made less-good artwork, and unfortunately our dear the Sucklord was sent home.  This is a shame–he should have rocked the street art, but I think he was full of fear, which leads to anger, which leads to hatred, which leads to the Dark Side, etc.  We will miss you a lot, Sucklord, you brought quite a bit of personality and entertainment to this competition.  Also, nerd pride.

You shall not pass.

This week we come to our official product placement challenge (remember last season’s car-inspired challenge?  Ungh).   Our remaining artists must utilize a component from a Fiat 500 and turn it into art!  I am really bored by this challenge already, y’all.

9:00: ART ART ART.  The Sucklord, alas, is gone.  Everyone is sad, because the fun and slightly sexually offensive Sucklord is gone.  Who will have sex with all the girls?  Who will be loud and obnoxious.

9:01:  Lola still sees “potential romance” for her and Sucklord whaaaat?  Girl, he has a girlfriend, and you are terrible.  Oh, also, Dusty now has to wear Young Sun’s short shorts because they won the challenge.  This is awesome because Young Sun is a tiny Gaysian and Dusty is from Arkansas.  He takes the whole thing well, and puts on the shorts, because he is a man of his word.  That was fun, and probably the high point of the episode y’all.


9:03:  Kymia voice-overs about what a bitch Lola is, which is totally true.  Lola is terrible guys.  In the meantime, everyone heads off to the challenge.  We head to the gallery and there is lots of Fiat stuff laid out everywhere.  Sarah K. calls it beautiful.  I’m not really a car person, so I am not that interested by this.  Evidently Sarah K.’s father owns an auto shop.  wel there you go.

9:04:  Some Italian words about Italian cars, and some French-accented words from Simon Pury about artists, like Richard Prince and John Chamberlain, who have used cars as an inspiration for art.  The artists’ challenge is to create a work of art using at least one part from the Fiat 500.  The artist with the best piece gets $25,000.  Damn, kids, they are throwing the money around in this competition.

9:05:  Running around collecting parts montage!!!  No one knows what they are making, so everyone is confused!

9:06:  Wow, they’ve cleaned out the place.  The artists roll their car parts up to the studio.  Hurr.  Many of the artists don’t know anything about cars.  This should be fun!  Michelle is super excited about it–i hope that she recovers her happiness and light and talent from the mess Lola made of it last week.

9:07:  Hahahaha, Sara J. doesn’t know how to drive.  Oi.  Lola once again is all: “I have so many ideas.  I don’t know what I am doing!  La la la la la.”  However, I sort of like her idea of fossilizing the objects.

9:08:  Kymia actually got the key to the car, hilarious.  She’s going to grind down the key and make it look like stardust–key to the car, key to the universe, etc.   Dusty is now going to put the lotion on his skin (or else he gets the hose again).  No, he’s doing lotion to make a mold of his face.

9:09:  Wow, Dusty….isn’t taking that many precautions with his facial mold.  Jesus this is scary.  Kymia helps him, thankfully.  Also he has a BEARD, wow that is going to HURT when it comes off y’all.  I’m mildly terrified, but we’re going to have to wait through the commercials to see what happens.


Work of Art Liveblog, Episode 4: Back to School

Once again it is Wednesday, and once again it is time for another amazing Work of Art episode and a hopefully amazing Work of Art liveblog.  Just a refresher: last week we our thirteen contestants were now twelve, and they still had names like Sucklord and Jazz-Minh (ungh), and the contestants weathered their third challenge.   This challenge required the contestants to make a pop art piece inspired by Andy Warhol, and the guest judge was pop artist and Andy Warhol lover Rob Pruitt.  Oh, also, it was a double elimination.  DOOM.  Young Sun won with his pink and interactive anti-Proposition 8 piece, and he also got a big spread in Entertainment Weekly.  Kymia should have won with her boobs and water bottle piece but boobs are not allowed in Entertainment Weekly, so I think she sabotaged herself.  Dusty, Jazz-Minh (ungh), Leon and Michelle were in the bottom four, and Leon and Jazz-Minh were eliminated.  See ya Jazz-Minh, you GDB.  Oh and also China was all “Bayete you are lucky you had elimination this week” which was bitchy and hilarious!

I'd sign language goodbye, Leon, but I just don't know how.
I hated this bitch. And the way she spelled her name was stupid. Hippie.

This week the artists are paired up with a kid(!!!) and have to make art based by the kid(!!!) and this should be hilarious.  I cannot wait to see what Sucklord does.  And how many times he curses in front of his poor kid.   Oh lord, these poor kids.

9:00:  Yay everyone is sitting around at the loft and waiting and being nervous yay…and in comes Young Sun and Kymia and Dusty and Michelle.  Dusty is all “my family, I need to get back on track for my family” and Young is all “yay I won but I don’t have immunity so, balls.”

9:01:  Oh man they have a little chalk board list with everyone’s birthdays and zodiac signs and ages and people are being CROSSED OFF as they get eliminated.  That is awesome.  You know what isn’t awesome?  CHINA’S STUPID RED DRESS THAT HAS A HOLE IN IT.

9:02:  The sun rises over New York City, and our intrepid artists head out for the day, and discover a studio filled with CHILDREN.  WHAAAAT.  Sucklord is perplexed because there is a little girl sitting at his desk.  He immediately says “I AM THE SUCKLORD” and that poor kid looks so confused.

9:03:  Michelle is paired with a boy who is drawing a scorpion tail and he regards her kid with a bit of fear.  Dusty is all over this challenge because he teaches 5th graders.  Bayete is pretty much worried that the kids will draw better than he can which, valid.  Oh hey China has bangs now, when did that happen.  They look good!

9:04:  Look!  Sarah Jessica Parker!  Kymia calls her a “fairy art-mother” which is awesome.  SJP introduces the kids who are from Studio in a School, and they are from the NYC public school system.  Dusty is super thrilled about this whole thing.  Each kid has brought a work of art they have done, and the challenge is to create a work of art that is inspired by and compliments the kids’ works of art.

9:05:  SJP gets to be a judge i think?  Random observation: Lola looks like Eliza Dushku.  So, we meet the kids.  Sara P. has a little girl named Zelda who has made a word collage.  Dusty is paired with a boy named Kei, who has a piece with a lot of negative space.  Liora and Isabel, who are with Bayete I think, have this lovely line drawing piece, and their work has already been in a gallery lucky her.  Marlo, who is with Sarah K., did a silhouette piece.

9:06:  Reynie, who is with Sucklord, did a painting of a Harry Potter tree thing.  Sucklord is thrilled by Reynie because she was raised by parents who had Star Wars figures on top of their wedding cake, so she’s a big nerd too!  Victory!

9:07:  SJP and China leave.  Gabriel, who is with Sun, did a bird mobile.  Kyle, who is with Tewz, did some kind of a vegetable piece?  i have no idea.  Anyways everyone is brainstorming now.  Lola’s kid is all “oh no, doom,” which, yeah.

9:08:  Kymia is paired with a girl named Alana, whose piece is a carrot on a beach.  This really stumps Kymia because, I mean, a carrot on a beach?  But Alana appears to be full of like, stories, of this little girl who eats carrots and has dropped her carrot and likes carrots or something like that?  Anyways, the kids all go away now.

9:09:  And our contestants go to Utrecht.  We get Lola’s backstory.  Her mom dated Al Pacino for TEN YEARS which is INSANE LOLA WHY HAVE YOU NOT TOLD US THIS BEFORE?!?!  Wow.  Tewz, who had one of the vegetable pieces by a kid named Kyle, decides to make a piece about the idea of growth and growing, using the word “grow.”  I hope he makes it all grafftti and what not.  Oh also evidently his graffiti got him a scholarship to the Art Institute of Chicago, which is cool.  Yay Tewz.

9:10:  Sucklord is worried about letting his kid down.  He’s getting all choked up about the kid.  aw, Sucklord has a heart.  Sucklord is GROWING on me guys, I know he seems like such a douche but maybe he isn’t really a douche?   Sucklord loves being around kids, probably because he’s a big kid himself.  That’s sort of adorable.  And I was all worried about how he’d handle this, guess I was wrong!


Work of Art Liveblog, Episode 3: Make it Pop

Once again it is Wednesday, and once again it is time for another amazing Work of Art episode and a hopefully amazing Work of Art liveblog.  Just a refresher: last week we our fourteen contestants were now thirteen, and they still had names like Sucklord and Jazz-Minh (ungh), and the contestants weathered their second challenge.   Oh also, Jeanne from last season was the guest judge, I love her.  The artists had to create exhibits based on movement as embodied by Parkour.  Bayete won with his simple yet moving video piece, and Kathryn lost with her stagnant, academically limited video piece.  Also, ugly crying.   Farewell Kathryn,  you may have looked like Lisa Loeb, but your ivory tower ramblings and overuse of the phrase “visceral tableau” (and ugly crying) were dreadful.

Farewell, Kathryn

This week the artists are tasked to create a piece of POP (yes, they spelled POP in all caps in the episode summary) art that reflects current popular culture.  I’m guessing they’ll be going to visit the Andy Warhol sculpture near Union Square?  Let us get to it!

9:00:  Heeeey we’re back!  Guess who just had a big margarita?  THIS GIRL.  This will be awesome.  The survivors trickle back to the loft and recap the critique for those who did not see it, I basically recapped it above, so no worries y’all.

9:01:  CHINA YOUR DUMB DRESS STILL HAS A HOLE IN IT WTF.  Ungh.  We’re going to have to look at this shit all season y’all.

9:02:  Michelle talks about how being in the top two for two times in a row is making her nervous, because she could just as easily be in the bottom.  Suxor.  Anyways, everyone’s on their way to Simon’s gallery on Park Avenue.  I’ve been by there!  Young Sun says it is like going to the house of royalty.  When they get to the gallery they have a line of tin cans to follow.  I’m guessing this is their ANDY WARHOL INTRODUCTION?!

9:03:  OH SNAP IT IS.  The artists arrive in a room filled with blank tin cans, with an Andy Warhol Campbell’s Soup Can canvas hanging in midair (seemingly).  Sarah K. is all “Oh wow I’m seeing it in person” (which, girl, come on, Andy’s art is all about reproduction so he doesn’t really give a shit whether or not you ever saw it in person) and Young Sun is all “my last piece was inspired by Andy.  Of course.

9:04:  POP IS BOLD.  POP IS BRAVE.  POP IS SEX.  POP IS LIFE.  POP IS FRESH.  POP IS POLITICAL.  SO MAKE IT POP.  Simon said all that (of course), right after China, in a weird turquoise jacket thing with giant black dots, tells the artists that their task is to make a pop art piece.  Oh goody, this should be awesome.

9:05:  Utrecht Art Supplies!  The budget for each artist is $150.  Jazz-Minh doesn’t know pop culture, because she’s a HIPPIE.  The Sucklord is going to make a giant piece about Charlie Sheen, complete with tiger’s blood and warlock dust.  He also needs Lola to pose naked for him, because he needs a naked sexy lady.  Okie dokie.

9:06:  Young Sun and Dusty and Tewz discuss their feelings on pop art.  Tewz feels that he could be a contender to win because he loves Nintendo and Mutant Ninja Turtles.  He’s making a Fad-X truck, which will ship in pop art, that could be funny.  It will probably be awful. Kymia believes that pop art is about art that sells you something; she’s making an environmental piece about water bottles…

9:07:…And she’s photographing herself naked for it!  Lots of boobies in this challenge y’all.  Dusty’s going to do a piece on fast food, because his dad has had heart attacks, and because he lives in Arkansas and I guess they only have fast food in Arkansas?  I don’t know y’all.

9:08:  Sucklord is attracted to Lola, despite having a girlfriend, who will cut his balls off if he says something about being attracted to Lola, which he does anyways.  He does not, btw, photograph Lola naked.  I guess I misunderstood. Leon decides to do a picture of American countries sort of juxtaposed against an American flag.  He does it on glass.  Pretty.  Jazz-Minh is doing a piece based on Brittany grimacing for the papparazzi.  She’s going to base it on Warhol’s Marilyns.

9:09:  AHHHH JAZZ-MINH HAS ONE OF THOSE SCARY INSIDE LIP TATTOOS.  HERS SAYS “BITE ME”.  SHE SUCKS SO MUCH.  Her sister’s evidently says “epic as fuck” and so she got her stupid inner lip tattoo as a show of solidarity.  I hate Jazz-Minh so much y’all.

9:10:  Michelle, who says her art isn’t really pop at all, is painting a bunch of Coca-Cola cans.  She asks “is this too derivative” and everyone, including me, is all “YES THIS IS DERIVATIVE.”  Girl.  Commercial break y’all!



Work of Art Liveblog, Episode 2: Art Movement

Once again it is Wednesday, and once again it is time for another amazing Work of Art episode and a hopefully amazing Work of Art liveblog.  Just a refresher: last week we met our fourteen contestants, who had names like Sucklord and Jazz-Minh (ungh), and the contestants weathered their first challenge.  The artists took kitsch and attempted to make it art.  Michelle won with her gorgeous totem pole and paper skeleton installation, and Ugo lost with his incredibly boring, incredibly red wall hanging thing.  Farewell Ugo, you were pretty, but boring, just like your piece was.

Farewell, Ugo.

This week it looks like we will be introduced to something called Parkour (ungh).  Also, Lisa Loeb look alike Kathryn will do some really ugly crying!  Excitement!

9:00:  And we’re off!  Everyone is nervous to see who returns from the six contestants who were asked to remain.  And no one seems really upset that Ugo is the one who got eliminated.  However, everyone talks about Ugo like he has just died: “He was a nice guy.”  Of course Sucklord offers: “Nice guys finish last.”  Thanks, Sucklord.  You’re an asshole.

9:01:  And it appears that we are going to see China in that awful red dress that has a HOLE IN IT at the beginning of every episode this season.  Disaster.

9:02:  6:30am wakeup call from Simon, who shouts “wakey wakey.”  Oh, he’s adorable.  He is taking the group on a “journey.”

9:03:  And their destination is…a brick yard, with China standing in the middle, wearing what looks like a poncho that was knit by Big Bird.  Disaster.  And then: SURPRISE!  Lots of athletic dudes start vaulting over the walls.  Oh and a girl too!  They are the members of New York Parkour, and Parkour is some sort of movement thing?  They don’t really explain much, I assume if I want to learn more then I will have to Google “Parkour,” but I’m too lazy to do that now, sorry guys.  Edit 10:06:  Okay, I Googled Parkour.  Here you go guys, Parkour.

9:04:   The task is revealed.  The artists will be split into two teams and will create a piece on “movement.”  Except, every artist is going to create his or her own work, and that all has to mesh into one team work, or something like that.  I foresee egos and disasters.  Excitement.

9:05:  Team one is the “Sucklord” team, and team two is the everyone else team.  China and Simon leave the artists to talk with the Parkour folks and to brainstorm.

9:06:  Michelle wants to do a pooping piece.  Michelle?!  Sucklord is all “WTF does that have to do with motion.”  Evidently Team One is going to do a piece on digestion.  Okay then!  Team 2 is going to do a piece on migration.  Somehow this seems better to me than digestion, but that’s probably just because I am squeamish and don’t really need to know what goes on in other people’s bodies.

9:07:  Um so Jazz-Minh, who is crazy and a B, starts doing flips and such across the yard.  She decides to try to take some photography of herself and another Parkour person doing backflips, because this will somehow work for her artwork.

9:08:  Team Two wanders around New York and goes dumpster diving, in an attempt to find art materials.  Team One walks around New York, takes pictures, get confused, talks about uncertainty, and motion.  I’m sort of bored by this already, guys, and my cat just started eating the Halloween decorations, so this commercial break is well timed!