Once again it is Wednesday, and once again it is time for another amazing Work of Art episode and a hopefully amazing Work of Art liveblog.  Just a refresher: last week we only had seven contestants, and it was our official product placement/sponsor challenge!   Each contestant had to make a work of art using pieces from the Fiat 500.  Sara J. won, and she won $25,000, which she will use for graduate school, good for her!  Stunningly Kymia, Michelle, and Lola (okay not stunningly for Lola, HATE HER) ended up in the bottom three, and MICHELLE went home, which was shocking.  I 100% thought they would get rid of Lola, who is terrible, and I fully expected Michelle to make it to the top three because she is hella talented.  Oh well, that’s reality television for you.

Bravo was thoughtful enough to provide a slide show of some of Michelle’s work from before she was on the show–she really is incredibly talented, I wish her tons of luck.  Also, stay away from people like Lola girl!

This week: PUBLIC ART, but that people can buy, but that is also gallery appropriate?!  SUCKLORD, it seems that you have missed out on your most-appropriate challenge.  Alas, alack.  Let us get to it!

8:58:  I always catch the tail-end of Top Chef: Don’t Mess with Texas Bitches and I never have any idea what is going on, really.  John Besh looks like he was on tonight, though.  I guess Texas doesn’t have enough celebrity chefs so they have to get one from New Orleans to play guest judge?  Padma Lakshmi is so hot also and I know that’s like the oldest news ever.  Okay, ART NOW PLEASE.

9:00:  THE CITY IN BLACK AND WHITE, with random colors, and our ladies return.  Sarah K.’s boobs look amazing, wow, big-breasted girls ftw!  She’s my sistah.  Everyone hugs Sara J., who says she is on unemployment now, and $25,000 is great!  Young Sun is all “I thought Michelle would be here forever” and Lola is all “wah Michelle is my friend.”

9:01:  LOLA I WANT YOU TO GO HOME.  She’s in the confessional now, talking a lot about herself, lord I loathe her.  Blah blah, introduction, blah blah prizes, blah blah CHINA’S STUPID RED DRESS WHY.  Ungh.

9:02:  Hahaha, Young Sun is blow-drying his hair in a pinky-purple bathroom.  I love him.  Kymia, drinking a purple smoothie, talks about how she doesn’t want to make anymore shitty art.  And then we see Young Sun and Dusty eating bananas.  Heh.  The artists leave their loft and walk to Tribec, it looks like such a beautiful NYC day.  I want to go to there.

9:03:  The artists find China and Young Sun in front of tables, with cash boxes.  The artists will display their work on said tables, and they will try to sell their art on the street–and also display said work in the gallery.  Dilemma artists!  Sarah K. is pretty overwhelmed.  But she won’t be alone!  The challenge is a team challenge, and you get to pick your partners.

9:04:  Sara J. won last week, so she gets to pick her partner.  She picks Young.  Kymia picks Dusty, because Lola is evil, and Lola gets paired with my boobtastic friend Sarah K.  I need to note, here, that China’s outfit is so fluorescent, I can’t handle it.  Anyways, the artists will have 5 hours to plan and create, two hours to sell, and it has to be physical art.  The winning team gets $30,000 and cannot be eliminated, amazing!

9:05:  The groups split to plan.  Sara J. can do rapid watercolors and has created street art before.  Young Sun is thinking t-shirts.  Kymia doesn’t like the idea of selling out, and wants to make “donation” post cards for “supporting” artists.  Dusty, who has t-shirt company called Dirt Shirts, wants to make shirts.

9:06:  Sarah K. wants to make crafty feathery headdresses and also t-shirts!  She’s talking a lot and really really rapidly and Lola is confused.  And then Lola is all: “So I’ll take a picture of myself naked and write some stuff on it because people like sex and naked pictures!”  Lola says “I don’t really want to get naked but i will do anything.”  Girlfriend has no soul at all, I hate her.

9:07:  Everyone runs to American Apparel to get some shirts and get some underwear and stuff.  The artists can shop anywhere, and yet everyone runs to American Apparel to get some damn t-shirts.

9:08:  Young Sun and Sara J. decide to get some tiny shorts.  Young Sun says his boyfriend loves his round and petite and shapely butt and that his butt will sell t-shirts.  Okay! They also arrive at the studio first and raid the supplies.  I think the other artists have gone to Utrecht or some other stores?

9:09:  Oh, right, Dusty and Kymia are at Utrecht.  Sara J. and Young Sun are going nuts in the gallery and are creating REALLY rapidly good for them.  Young Sun, of course, is painting men’s briefs to sell.  I love him.  Sarah J. and Lola finally arrive at the studio and are annoyed that Sara J. and Young Sun have already pilged the supplies.

9:10:  Kymia and Dusty are in the van still and are freaking out because they only have two hours to create art and return to the park to sell their work.  Actually, I take that back–Kymia is freaking out, Dusty is just looking exasperated.  Aaaand commercial!

9:14:  Guys I love this challenge, everyone is running around like a maniac.  FIVE HOURS TO CREATE, TWO HOURS TO SELL, AND THEN THEY HAVE TO PRESENT IT IN THE GALLERY.  That was all in caps, just in case you missed the challenge.  Young Sun and Sara J. are totally on it. Dusty and Kymia finally make it back to the studio, certainly took them long enough.

9:15:  Dusty is making t-shirts with the outline of America in red and a security camera in the middle.  Very Big Brother is Watching You.  Kymia is sticking with Support Artists. She is very stressed out by the challenge.

9:16:  Sarah J. is making feathered headdresses and t-shirts with boobs and penises–damn, why does everyone who is paired with Lola draw penises?  Even Lola thinks this is silly.

9:17:  Oh snap Lola is totally naked and Sarah K. is taking pictures of her.  And she has some text over the piece where she admits all this stuff that shames her.  This is so that Jerry will like her better maybe?  Damn I loathe Lola.  Kymia, in the meantime, changes her idea to selling her signature to the patron and then receiving their signature in exchange.  Those signatures will be the piece.

9:18:  Kymia is polite and asks people if they are okay with this idea, because it is borderline performance art.  Lola, being a bitch, has a problem with it, but she decides to let Kymia do it.  Anyways, everyone heads out with all of their art and stuff and ooh look it’s the IAC building pretty.

9:19:  Young Sun and Sara J. are in their cute little outfits they look like a gay volleyball team!  Everyone starts setting up their work and then it is time to sell!  Lola is selling her body and her secrets, because she is lame…

9:20:  …but it seems to be working?  Sarah K. and Lola have tons of people, and someone drops $100 on Lola’s naked picture oi.  Young Sun also has lots of people buying underwear.  Kymia is perplexed because Young has really, truly sold out.

9:21:  Kymia and Dusty have people but Kymia’s piece is super cheap, so Dusty’s really hustling.  Sarah K. is making booby shirts, yay big boobies.

9:22:  At this point Lola is willing to sell hugs, her boobies, her naked picture, her secrets…actually, Lola’s piece is super clever, I mean the naked stuff is selling out, but the selling of the secrets–each piece getting its own secret depending on the price of said piece, is compelling.  Anyways, commercial break.

9:25:  Young Sun is now selling paintings to the big spender who spent $100 on Lola’s piece.  He buys $220 worth of merchandise and he wipes Sara J. clean of her merchandise.  She decides to start selling portraits on the street, which is a quick and easy way to make money.

9:26:  Her portraits are really popular!  She has a big line of people!  Young Sun starts hopping around, advertising $10.00 portraits in the park.

9:27:  Simon arrives to do his little guidance shtick, and he starts with Dusty and Kymia.  He is pretty concerned about how their pieces will translate in the gallery, and Kymia is all: “WELL WHAT DO YOU EXPECT WE ONLY HAD FIVE HOURS DUDE UNNNNGH.”

9:28: He heads to Young and Sara’s table.  Young tells Simon to buy some art–i don’t think he’s allowed to and he doesn’t really want panties, but he likes some of Sara’s watercolors.  Sara is loving her on the street watercolors and Simon seems pleased to see her line of people.

9:29:  Lola next!  She tells him about her individualized secrets on her naked body and I just have to say, girlfriend has a bush.  Sorry, that’s crude, but what can you say.  Simon says it is hard for him to focus on the text because she is NAKED IN THE BACKGROUND.  Truth, Simon.  Simon likes the piece, regardless, and tells her to make it giant for the gallery.

9:30:  He finally gets to Sarah.  I’m not quite sure why this is a team project, because the work the teams have made isn’t really collaborative?  Anyways, he doesn’t really like Sarah K.’s piece.  Sarah decides to work on making the most money, then, and she basically starts grabbing people from all over the park and more or less begging for money.  Girlfriend is playing to win.

9:31:  Kymia is just disgusted by the whole thing–girl, this is a challenge about business, get over the fine artist thing for a moment, find your inner businesswoman.

9:32:  Toward the end of the competition Dusty and Kymia sell a bunch of shirts to some Russians.  Lola’s last customer is a little three year old girl, who buys a secret from her for 25 cents.  Aw, cute, but I am terrified to think of what Lola told her.  Anyways, everyone heads back to the gallery for one hour to make the street pieces into pieces that are more gallery appropriate.

9:33:  Sarah K., still wearing a hilarious booby shirt, is making gallery-appropriate, nicer versions of her booby shirts and head-dresses.  Young is going to show one of his unsold paintings along with paper works of his underwear pieces.  He also puts aside a pair of little pink briefs with the word “winner” written on it–this is the outfit the winner has to wear.  I love Young.

9:34:  Dusty is making some adjustments to his America surveillance road sign.  He takes a moment to call his wife and check in on his baby–he cries in the confessional about how he misses his daughter and how he is failing as a father.  Remember when I told you earlier that the majority of Dusty’s persona would be missing his daughter?  Yeah, I was totally right.

9:35:  Kymia does a grid of her signatures next to the signatures she received from the people in the park, she thinks it looks good and visually arresting.  Lola is exceedingly pleased with her work.  We’ll see how it translates in the gallery.  Young is all: “Lola, I can see your vagina” except he uses a different word for vagina and I’m not sure what it was and I’m not going to rewind my DVR.

9:39:  Oh look a crying montage.  Mostyl of women, but with a few men.  As they say, you can’t spell tears without art. Oh look, the Sucklord is crying too.  I guess this show just brings out the best in everyone.

9:42:  GALLERY SHOW.  Wow people are lined up outside y’all.  China and the judges arrive, the guest judge is Jeanne Greenberg Rohatyn–so good to see you again Jeanne! You’re so sharp and smart!

9:43:  Time to start the show–the gallery show is important, but ultimately it is the money that matters here.  Whoever made the most money is safe.  Kymia’s piece is called “Self-Worth” and…it looks…underwhelming?  Probably better in person.

9:44:  Dusty’s piece is called “Being Seen,” and it is a road sign of America, with the camera in the middle.  No one knows that it is a surveillance camera.  Young’s pieces are called “Jaded Spirit” and “Brief Happiness” (ha).  Sara J.’s watercolors, called “louie, Nude, and “Two Headed Dog,” definitely look like rapid-fire portraits.  But are still lovely.

9:45:  Lola’s piece is called “Secret Exchange” and Jerry is all ‘Well, I bet she made the most money.”  Ha!  Sarah K. spray-painted her piece right on the wall and made a few headdresses.  Interestingly, none of the artists know their monetary totals, so no one knows what team is safe.

9:46:  Critique time!  I guess everyone is getting critiqued before we hear who made the most money.  Interesting.  Everyone is getting spoken to.

9:47:  Young Sun goes first.  Jeanne and Jerry are annoyed that Young made paintings of underwear and didn’t just put the underwear on the wall–Jeanne is all: “what, you are so limited that you think we can only see painting as art?”  Good job, Jeanne.  He made $129 in sales, also.

9:48:  Sara J. is next.  I love her watercolors, they are so whimsical.  China thinks that the portraits are great and she would love a portrait.  Jeanne would love to see a whole wall of portraits, and Jerry agrees.  Bill notes that Sara probably had a big audience–he is right of course.  Sara J. made $320, good girl.

9:49:  Dusty and Kymia are next.  Dusty, that thing in the middle of your piece definitely doesn’t look like a camera.  Dusty says that he sold a lot of t-shirts but he didn’t sell any signs.  Jerry says he didn’t sell any signs because the sign is awful.  Oh my lord, Jerry, that was harsh.  The judges are being pretty harsh to poor Dusty.  He made $185 on his t-shirts however.

9:50:  Kymia sold her signature for $5.00 but received a signature from her patron in return.  Bill likes that Kymia has no disconnect between the product and the artwork–what she sold is what she is showing.  Jeanne likes the idea of Kymia peddling her own signature.  Jerry was left flat and left down…until he realized that the signature is a personal thing, and that redeemed the piece for him.  Kymia made $96.  They have made less than Young Sun and Sara J., so they are up for elimination.

9:51:  Sarah K. and Lola are up next.  Sarah K. is wearing one of her shirts, ha.  Anyways, the judges are not seeing the sexiness of Sarah’s piece, or Sarah’s piece at all.  They do not like her work, they find it crafty and not-art at all.  Also, Sarah only made $96.  Ouch, girl.

9:52:  Lola’s piece next.  Lord she’s so naked.  Jerry likes that the piece comes off as not cynical or shammy but real.  Jeanne says that the nudity is what attracted the public but the secrets are what sold the piece.  People are liking her piece.  If she made for than $354 than her team wins.  Lola sold a lot, so we’ll see.  Oh Lola only made $217.  This means that Young Sun and Sara J. won!  They have $30,000 (Young Sun is raking in the money wow!) and cannot be eliminated.  Amazing.

9:53:  This challenge is so interesting, because it isn’t about the gallery at all, it is about what sold on the streets.  So really, it doesn’t matter what the judges said at all in terms of who they thought made a good piece…but in terms of the bad pieces, oof, the judges are going to let two of the losers (Sarah K. and Dusty, in this case), have it.

9:54:  The judges found Sarah K.’s piece lacking in fun and sexiness and generally a big, disposable dead-end.  Bill calls Dusty’s t-shirt and sign a placeholder for a discussion.  They’re annoyed that he is using a map again.  I’m not sure who is going home, y’all, it could really be either Dusty or Sarah K., and it’d be fine either way.

9:57:  Aaaand time for elimination.  And the requisite dramatic music.  Lola and Kymia are, of course, safe–they made good work.  And yes, even I admit that Lola’s work was good–although I still don’t like her.  Dusty and Sarah K.’s pieces are simplistic, unexamined, and stereotypical.  One of them will be going home.  And wow, it is Sarah K.  Dusty lives to fight another day!

9:58:  Sarah K., we will miss your loud laugh, and i will miss your boobs–sisters in boob-tasticness.  Sarah K. is understandably upset, but she is glad to have had the experience.  Farewell Sarah K.!

9:59:  Next week:  the artists travel!  To someplace that looks Southern?  And we also have a double elimination.  Awesome!  Can’t wait y’all!

10:00:  Jessica Lange brings a creepy ham to the table, and an unburned Denis O’Hare applauds.  It is 1994, and the family says grace.  Are we in Murder House?  Tate starts saying a terrible grace, and Addie says a–oh, sorry y’all, I’m watching American Horror Story now, and you should too!  We’ll have more art next week!